february reading

a tough month of reading

Welcome back friends, lovers, writers, and readers!!

I almost did not write this book review due to so many things. February was an extremely tough month for my depression, anxiety, and overall well being. On top of that finding out that my weekly dosage of estrogen was discovered to be too high for my bodies absorption sending me into an absolute maddening spiral on a weekly basis (more on that in another post probably). With that being said, I prioritized relaxing and allowing myself the space to just exist. January was an extremely unrealistic month of reading, and while I enjoyed every drop of text, it isn’t sustainable EVERY month. Some months I might read ten books and the next, just one. I say that to remind all levels of readers that we do not always need to be cramming content/entertainment into our daily schedules, even if reading is a healthy way to spend your time. If you have the capacity to read a ton, I applaud you. If you don’t, I’m right there with you. Seasons of life, baby!

I started February having picked a stack of unread books in my home library (a library curated on my inability to say no to buying books) that related to grief and sadness. Some of those titles being: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, Ponyboy by Eliot Duncan, Someone Who Isn’t Me by Geoff Rickly, and Animal by Lisa Taddeo. With my depression so heightened, I had to readjust and take my reading of grief slowly and mix in more lighthearted texts in order to allow myself breathing room. In the end, I’m proud of myself for being able to get through the titles I did this month and am excited to share them with you.

As always, I invite healthy discussions about your experience with any titles I review and how you personally engaged with them. xx

---

Cleopatra and Frankenstein — Coco Mellors

★★★★☆

Opening with Cleo, a 24 year old with an expiring student visa, anxiously trying to figure out what her next moves are, we unexpectedly bump into Frank, a suave older man who’s financial security and spontaneity immediately enchant her. Through a quick and impulsive marriage that ultimately allows Cleo to stay in the states, we gasp for air, chapter by chapter, tuning into the various viewpoints of both main characters and their friends as they all come to terms with a relationship that inevitably affects all of them, good and bad. This was such a gripping novel based on marital stress, mental health, and codependency. Mellors’ ability to intertwine us in such an intimate and volatile relationship kept me on the edge of my seat, both wondering why they are together and rooting for them to work out. With each chapter being a different characters perspective, we are allowed entry into the diary entries of each mind as they confront and examine their own life struggles. I will say to PLEASE read the trigger warnings on this text as I did not expect the plot twist that inevitably derails the entire plot. Reflecting on this story, I feel like it was reminiscent of Bellies by Nicola Dinan. Not in the way of queer/trans relationships, but in the way that you can be madly in love with someone and slowly grow further and further apart. Cannot wait to revisit this!!!

M Train — Patti Smith

★★★☆☆

Okay don’t send me hate messages, but this was my first sip on the writing of Patti Smith. YES I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE STARTED WITH JUST KIDS. Let me live, I don’t do well with being told what to do. This was read while Los Angeles experienced a biblical torrential downpour, resulting in the perfect cozy vibes. M Train follows Smith in her more recent years as she spontaneously buys her infamous Rockaway house, works across her favorite cafe’s, visits her favorite writers graves, and experiences death. While poetic and deeply rooted in the dreamscape of Smith’s mind, this fell a bit flat for me. A bit too mundane for my preference, I felt like I was held hostage by a woman’s stories that have no real lesson or meaning. Maybe that’s the point — no meaning, just reflections. I can absolutely respect that and enjoy it for what it is. I’m hesitant to say I would pick this back up, but am excited to pick up Just Kids to compare. My book friends have mentioned that they agree with all of this and think I would enjoy Just Kids more. I will say that my favorite part of reading M Train was Smith’s fluidity to enjoy life as it comes.

Conversations With Friends — Sally Rooney

★★★★★

My second “first” of the month — my first Sally Rooney. The internet seems to be polarized by her writing, which both made me weary to read and excited to form my own opinion. Immediately upon starting this, I could not put it down. Following four characters, Frances/Bobbi the ex lovers now roommates and Melissa/Nick a married couple, we find Frances falling into a secret affair with Nick. Exposing themes of power dynamics, self worth, and loss of one's place in the world, Rooney creates such an emotionally vulnerable world of falling in and out of love. Through her writing, she is able to entangle you in a stream of consciousness that feels personal and intimate. I often found myself needing to close the book to take long, deep breaths in order to gather myself. Not only did I love the writing, but I felt intrinsically tied to the characters in a way that left me upset to leave them behind. This is a novel that I will feel compelled to re-read year after year.

Bluets — Maggie Nelson

★★★★★

A book I knew I would love, but sat unpurchased for a long period of time that I must admit. Poetic vingettes and reflections about a color? It’s intriguing and stimulating in a way that tickles my brain the same way my favorite song does. I opened it for the first time having just finished an oat milk cortado. Maggie’s words filling my brain as if I had written them. It’s immersive like being lost, floating in the bluest sea unable to shake life’s woes and lessons. I star and highlight a few of my favorite passages to come back to, to sit with, to tell a friend, to contemplate later, revisit these words like a daydream. Wanting to take a break, I close the book. Upon looking up from these words is a blue street sign saying Delta St, a blue trashcan, the illuminating blue of a Chevron, the comfort of blue Levis on my legs, my bag sporting an indigo text, blue cars speeding by, blue masking tape holding a sign up, blue tarp covering a house mid construction, and just through the clouds appears a blue sky right on cue as if I had summoned it. In that moment I believed in magic and Maggie Nelson.

The Year of Magical Thinking — Joan Didion

DNF — Did Not Finish

This one hurts. I feel it’s important to include this for honesty’s sake. I had to be honest with myself that this may not have been the right time to read this as nothing about the first 50 pages of this resonated with me or made me want to keep reading. For now this is shelved, but eventually I will try again. After reading other titles detailing grief and loss, I found Didion to be too mechanical in her writing which made her sadness feel like the denseness of a textbook. I PROMISE I WILL TRY AGAIN, y’all love Didion, and I love that for you.

---

star key:

★☆☆☆☆ — pls no

★★☆☆☆ — pls no, but I finished it

★★★☆☆ — it was rlly just fine

★★★★☆ — so glad I read

★★★★★ — I will never stfu about this