january reading

everything I read and loved

Welcome to the first monthly reading recap of the year!!

Let me start out by walking you through my reading goals. Going into 2024, I really wanted to amp up my reading. I’ve never had a set number of books I wanted to read per year, but something pulled me to set a number. At first I set it at 40, a modest, yet respectable number that anyone would be proud to accomplish. Then once I thought about it and my reading habits through the end of last year I changed it to 52, one book a week. That sounded LOFTY, yet achievable to me. January began and I unintentionally stuffed my face into as many books as I could like my life depended on it. Needless to say, I have read 19% of my yearly reading goal just in January because I cannot contain myself. Will I read 100 books this year? Only time will tell, but there is no pressure and reading breaks will be encouraged and mandated.

So what happened this month? Ten books were read. Five of them written by trans authors. All of them written by queer authors (the jury is still out on Madeline Cash, but the vibes are pointing to queer). Starting the new year I wanted to engulf myself in mostly trans and queer writing to start my year showcasing how incredible and diverse LGBTQ+ authors are, and will only continue to showcase this throughout the year. This was mostly inspired for my absolute NEED to read Bellies by Nicola Dinan and decided I might as well try to read all queer authors!

Going forward I will have loose themes for my reading each month. Not promising I stick to any of them. But this month was the theme of general QUEERNESS and TRANSNESS. Next month I have already decided will be grief based since my stack of TBR seems to be shouting “i’m really fucking sad!”

Before we review, let’s talk about some things that I look for in books. When i’m reading I want to feel immersed in the characters thoughts and behaviors. Lit fic is my bread and butter. I don’t necessarily care for a quest or adventure, but I do care for the casual mundane that makes a character tick, the nuances of their relationships, and an emotional arc that leads characters to really transform and evolve their thoughts right before our eyes. I also like an occasional laugh and an occasional tear. I still tend to be open to a variety of work and themes, but overall I gravitate towards the following: diverse, queer, lit fic, poetic, weird sex, theory, human experience and experimental works.

The fun thing about reading is that we have entire worlds and universes available to us. To read is to think diversely, thus your reading list should reflect the vast amounts of experiences humans have on earth. I will always be working to make my reading selections representative of underrepresented and unique voices. As should you!

But without further ado, let’s review some freaking books!

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Big Swiss — Jen Beagin

★★★★☆

This is the story of Greta, a sex therapist’s transcriptionist, who falls awkwardly in love with Big Swiss, a patient she transcribes therapy sessions for. This was an absolutely delicious way to start my reading year. Jen Beagin is one of the funniest and weirdest writers that I have personally come across thus far (there’s still time, and i’m looking for WEIRDER). Once I got into the flow of reading this I was completely engulfed in the world of Greta. Complicatedly sapphic, inappropriately witty and 100% sexy (but in an Otessa Moshfegh way). I did find the characters to be mostly frustrating, but that’s almost why I adored them so much as I enjoy the chaos from all angles. Most memorably, Om, the sex therapist, was the backbone of this whiplash novel. His unabashed male perspective was exactly what the story needed to carry out the feral feminine energy that transpired.

Bellies — Nicola Dinan

★★★★★

What happens when your partner, who you thought you knew well, decides they want to transition? This is a journey through one of those potential narratives. Dinan writes about the relationship between Ming and Tom, from first glance they connect and quickly enter the many stages of an evolving relationship. As their communication and connection begins to decline, Ming admits to wanting to transition. With a lot of the narrative coming from Tom’s perspective, Bellies deals with the introspection of two characters finding that sometimes people grow a part but you can still find your way back to each other in brand new ways. This is a coming of age AND transness, while also being a meditation on the human experience. I still have yet to find another book that so intricately deals with the complexities and nuances of a queer relationship unfolding (open to suggestions!), especially for a trans girl like Ming. I was able to see so much of myself in Ming, which was Dinan’s goal making a relatable modern trans girl who still gets self-conscious about how big her hands are. On the other hand, I was grateful to witness a perspective like Tom’s seeing how much he loved Ming and continued to navigate his heart back to her.

Earth Angel — Madeline Cash

★★★★☆

A collection of short stories made specifically for it-girls lost in a digital, Godless age. Each story is oddly relevant, black mirror adjacent, and laugh-out-loud funny. I found this to be a “weird girl” book, while still remaining profound and absurdly poetic. ‘Slumber Party’ being a standout story for me, involved a woman turning 30 while not having a single friend willing to make the time for her. She enlists the help of Slumber Party LLC, a service providing you actors willing to throw you the most unforgettable party. The night starts with cocktails and karaoke and ends with conjuring the dead, freezing her eggs and her credit card being absolutely f*cked with charges! Cash spares no oddities throughout the entire book (drafted partly in her phone’s notes app) ranging from a marketing agency rebranding terrorists to support affirmative action, having sex with a CEO to get off his company’s subscription list, and taking a jagged stab at writing auto-fiction. A short, but worthwhile read where girls always have the upper hand in the story!!

So Sad Today — Melissa Broder

★★★★☆

“I’m in love with you and you don’t want anything to do with me so I think we can make this work: a love story.”

Melissa Broder IS the essential crazy girl reading that we all need. From asking for locks of hair from men she’s obsessed with on twitter to having a vomit fetish to detailing the sexual relationship she had with a man while in an open marriage. I breezed through this essay collection in one sitting because I could not put the book down. These essays feel like they are written as long form text messages to a friend which I found comforting and relatable (probably because I am the queen of the long form text message). With some research I found she actually likes to write using the voice notes app on her phone while she drives, which is how these essays formed themselves. Her writing style is a true train-of-thought cluster fuck which sat well with me. After reading such personal essays, i’m anticipating diving into her works of fiction!

Nevada — Imogen Bonnie

★★★☆☆

Okay PAUSE — don’t let the three stars fool you. I did enjoy this story!! But at some point we have to be honest with ourselves and rate books fairly. Maybe it’s the expectations I had going into it, or maybe it was just too “off the rails” for my taste. Nevada is the story of Maria, who is settled into her transition living in NY, but after a mutual breakup with her partner and getting fired from the job she kind of hated, she decides to steal her ex-partners car and drive somewhere. Somewhere ends up being Star City, Nevada where our protagonist becomes infatuated with James, an assumed trans girl having not yet transitioned. Nevada is split into two parts, before Nevada and during. I found the first half to be riveting, interesting, and worth expanding on. However once Maria heads west, I found the chaos unsettling. Her pressure to make James see that he is trans made ME feel uncomfortable and bad for him, even though it’s most likely truth. I recommend reading this to experience trans lit for yet another example of what it can be, but as far as favorites, this was not necessarily one. Maybe my thoughts will change with a re-read, but until then I rest my case.

Your Love Is Not Good — Johanna Hedva

★★★★☆

Through a nameless, queer protagonist we come to understand and settle into separating love and ego, love and goodness, love and lust. She’s a Los Angeles based painter trying hard not to struggle financially (or have insane mommy issues) and we get to travel through the objectively bad relationship she has with love. Let’s get straight to the point, I cried. I closed this book and sobbed like a child, holding the words close to my heart in an attempt to absorb them through my bloodstream. The journey there was a slimy, uncomfortable, poetically mundane, yet profound piece of work. Dealing with themes of racism in the fine art world, power dynamics, and parental trauma, Hedva creates an artistically beautiful novel that really swept me off my feet in the most unexpected way!

Females — Andrea Long Chu

★★★★☆

Part trans theory, part Valerie Solanas appreciation. Andrea Long Chu strikes the reader with bold claims like “Everyone is female, and everyone hates it” in this long form essay. The theory here is that everyone is intrinsically female. Starting biologically female in the womb, we evolve male characteristics once masculizing agents are introduced, further explaining why surgeries like vaginoplasty are so successful. While the claims in this tend to be as outwardly absurd as it’s admiration for a text like S.C.U.M. Manifesto, I found a lot of comfort in Long Chu’s ability to make being a trans women feel biologically accessible. Her ability to speak on what it means, at the core, to be a female in society is entertaining as it is factual. No matter how you identify, I think anyone would close this book and take something away.

Homebodies — Tembe Denton-Hurst

★★★★★

One of my top favorites this month.

Homebodies is an intimate look into the life of Mickey, a budding writer stuck at a job that refuses to let her shine. Despite doing her best to seem interested in the work that she is forced to do, she’s suddenly fired and replaced with another token diversity hire. Mickey hits rock bottom allowing this experience to completely define her existence. In response, she releases a letter on twitter exposing the racism and poor treatment she has experienced as a Black woman in media. Through the destruction of ego, Denton-Hurst shows us the fall and jagged rise of someone willing to understand their worth in the world. Through fuck-ups, break ups, hookups, and a loooot of angst, I was able to see so much of myself in Mickey. Her anger and anxieties sliced through the pages in a way that really gave me a chance to evaluate some of my own feelings surrounding my family, friends, and career. The sapphic elements were so sexy, but only added to the tender and raw backbone that this story is based upon. An important debut! This deserves a standing ovation and should be sitting at the top of your TBR.

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl — Andrea Lowler

★★★★★

One of my top favorites this month.

Gender bending his way through sexual encounters and romantic explorations, Paul is a shapeshifter who is able to change his body to male or female based on who he is trying to pursue. Ultimately messy, incredibly sexy, and very anti-binary. Paul often finds himself stuck between worlds and feeling ultimately like a girl, but not being able to hold the shape of a girl for long periods of time. I found this tale to be an important piece highlighting the struggle of gender expression and how dating for trans people can be so complicated and devastating. I could have read 300 more pages of this as I think a story of being defeated by gender expression is a story that never ends. Potentially contributing to my lesbian awakening (or maybe closer to bisexual angst), this experimental read had me craving the ability to bloom a gorgeous vagina and bouncy tits. Bon Appétit!

Valide (Valid) — Chris Bergeron

★★★★★

One of my top favorites this month.

Valide (Valid) is a French text originally, however recently translated to English. Being detailed as a dystopian auto-fiction, this is a masterclass in futuristic trans writing. With no breaks, this is an almost 300 page monologue given by Chris who, for safety, has de-transitioned and is speaking to her AI captor. It’s set in a dystopian 2050 Montreal where AI controls not only daily routines, but also gender expression, media consumed and the memories you are allowed to share. Through this monologue you are witnessing Chris seeking to lead the revolution that will corrupt the system. I— don’t have enough words to express my gratitude for this gorgeous piece of work. This was both a visceral recollection of thoughts/memories and a detailed manifesto of transness. Through various allegories we witness Chris connecting important thoughts like masculinity’s inherent algorithmic/code-like properties and the crescendo from walking to running that we experience as trans women. It hits exactly where it needs to, this book was made for the dolls.

star key:

★☆☆☆☆ — pls no

★★☆☆☆ — pls no, but I finished it

★★★☆☆ — it was rlly just fine

★★★★☆ — so glad I read

★★★★★ — I will never stfu about this

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And that’s that!!! I am so grateful to have a space that people trust to read my POV on things. If you made it this far, you deserve a smooooooch! I’m looking forward to sharing so much more on here. For now, PLEASE let me know what you agree with, what you disagree with, and what you have read of these titles/might be interested in reading next; I love a healthy lil discussion.

luv u sm xx